words by coco

Does anyone else struggle with buyer’s remorse? I mean when I tell you guys that I’m the queen of buyer’s remorse, I mean I am the QUEEN of buyer’s remorse!! Like my husband jokes that rather than having a wife that is shopping all the time, his wife goes “returning” all the time. So yeah… I’m the person every retail worker hates.

I mean it’s usually the more pricey stuff, you know? Like I’ve got stacks of stuff from the front section at Target or candles from TJ Maxx. But when I’m spending a decent penny on something, I want to know for absolute certain that that particular product is going to do what it’s supposed to and never let me down!

Well as I was walking my dog I did some self-evaluating and realized that this mindset of mine.. this mindset of receiving really valuable things and automatically feeling like it might not work out.. was a lot more than just things I was purchasing.

Guys, I carried this mindset into my marriage. Luke is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I mean he is the whole freakin’ package. Loves God immensely, loves me immensely, hard worker, irresistibly handsome, I mean he checks off all the boxes in my book! And so.. when I signed the marriage certificate, and said I do, and realized he was mine for good, I legit freaked out inside my mind.

All of the worst thoughts came into my mind.. “What if this doesn’t work out?” “What if he all of a sudden becomes unfaithful?” “What if I gain a bunch of weight?” “Will he still love me?”

There was no flaw within him yet my mind was tormented with all of the “possibilities” of what could go wrong. It’s like my buyer’s remorse.. these jeans fit absolutely perfect, they hug me in all the right places, and they stretch when I need them to stretch. Yet my mind is like “maybe I should take these back in case one day the end up not being great.” LIKE WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense!!

But that’s how anxiety works, right? It’s feeding you all of these “possibilities” that in reality probably aren’t possible at all.

I let my mind go through this torment for the entire first year of our marriage.

AN ENTIRE YEAR I lived in fear and worry because of what “could” happen.

I believe it was around a year into our marriage that I read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and my life and mind were completely changed. It was then that I realized I could take authority over my thoughts.

Like, I mean this as literally as possible. I *chose* my thoughts. You can literally choose what you think on! Just because a thought randomly slips into your mind doesn’t mean you need to receive it or think about it! You have a choice!

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

PHILIPPIANS 4:8 ESV

The Bible says in Philippians 4:8 “think about these things”. Guys that is a verb! That is an action! There is such a thing as purposeful thinking and I think we could be free from a lot of the gunk in our minds if we started doing it!

Life is too short to allow your mind to be idle. It is time that we take authority over our thoughts and make sure they are bringing LIFE and not death. It’s time to train our minds to think on what is lovely and commendable and excellent and worthy of praise!

I am literally tearing up as I write this because this simple concept of choosing my thoughts not only changed me, but it changed my marriage. There is such a joy and peace and freedom in our home simply because I chose to not listen to the thoughts the enemy was placing in my mind and chose to experience the freedom that is rightfully ours!

I know for a fact I’m not the only one who has struggled with this literal battle in my mind.. the battle of reality and potential reality. Listen if you are in Christ there is a gift of joy that is rightfully yours and cannot be taken from you. Your Good Shepherd is with you always and that “potential reality” that scares the mess out of you and keeps you from actually living life? He’s going to keep that away from you. So you don’t have to fear it!!

It is my prayer that your thoughts would look less like… “What if this doesn’t work out?” “What if I fail?” “What if, what if, what if????” and more like…

“I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me… surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Psalm 23:4,6 esv

No more idle minds! No more dwelling on just anything that pops into your mind! I challenge you to think with purpose and rest in the safety and peace of the Lord.